Day 31--The Four Tendencies

Welcome to Day 31!

Some of your fellow space travelers just don’t seem to get it. One of them left the oxygen seal open yesterday after coming in from their outside chores. It could’ve meant disaster for you all. Luckily, the alarms started blaring and you were able to lock the door.

When you confronted Angela about it, she got all huffy . She told you she wasn’t taking orders from you. What a jerk! But, of course, when she heard from the Commander, she was all apologetic and “I’ll never do it again.”

Why can’t everyone be cool just like you?


I'm always on the lookout for ways that make it easier to reach weight loss goals and to make new habits. When I came across the Four Tendency Framework by Gretchen Rubin, it changed how I felt about my personal goals forever.

The Four Tendency Framework is a way to look at a small piece of your personality--the part that has to do with how you react to inner and outer expectations or goals. 

Help You Reach Your Goals & Understand Others

How you answer the question, "How do you handle inner and outer expectations?" will determine which category you fit into in the Four Tendency Framework.

The four different categories are--upholder, questioner, obliger, and rebel. 

For an explanation of each type, to find out which one you are, and to find out the one timely question to quickly find out your type, check out today's video and accompanying Cheat Sheet.

When I created this program, I tried to keep all groups in mind at all times.

Upholders, I tried to not overwhelm you with too many habits and things to do at once. 

Questioners, I tried to give you the justification, data, and research for everything I talk about so you could take these outer expectations and make them inner expectations for yourself.

Rebels, I tried to give you enough flexibility that you could make your own rules and goals for this and the next phase of the RHH program—no one telling you what to do! 

And Obligers, this whole program is for you! I'm an obliger, so I feel your pain. We want so much to meet our goals--lose weight and start exercising, but we need the outer accountability to do it. That's why we have Weekly Reviews and coaching sessions to keep us accountable. 

Some of you obligers might find the meal logging really helpful long term.  Obligers can do anything, we just need to build the right accountability into our lives.

Don't wish you were a tendency that you aren't (I'm talking to you, obligers)!  

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Understanding what tendency we are can help us to set up our habits, rules, and strategies so they work for us.

The Four Tendencies is not only for weight loss and goal-setting.

Understanding the Four Tendencies helps me to have a better relationship with my Upholder husband. 

Take the quiz and have your loved ones take the quiz. See if it helps you to understand and appreciate each other better.





The Four Tendencies

One of the biggest things that I focus on here (at RHH) is how to ”get yourself to do what you want to do.” That seems to be the big question when it comes to weight loss. I mean, if we could all just do what we'd want to do, we would have lost weight a long time ago. So, we work on our brains and figure out how to get them to do what we want to do.

Well, one of the things that has given me a lot of insight as a coach and also into myself is understanding a concept that is taught by Gretchen Reuben. She's a best selling author. She wrote a called The Four Tendencies. Now the four tendencies has given me a lot of insight. It's helped me to figure out what I want to do, and how to do it, and how to help other people as well. 

Now in this book there's a quiz that goes along with it. It helps you to understand one small little piece of your personality. It's not a “finding your personality” test that’s going to tell you everything about yourself.

One Little Question

Instead, it just answers one little question and that question is is “how do you react to internal motivation and external motivation?” Basically, “how do you get yourself to do what you need to do” or “what you want to do?”

External & Internal Motivation

External motivation would be like what your boss says you need to do, what your family says. you need to do, or what society says you need to do.

Internal motivation would be internal goals or things that you want to do (personally).

The Four Tendencies

And, Gretchen breaks down people into what she calls four tendencies.


The first tendency is called an upholder. So ,an upholder can meet internal and external motivations or goals. These people they will do, if they set a goal, they will do it. If someone else tells them to do something, they will do it. They are going to follow through.


The next group is called questioners. So, questioners can do things if it makes sense internally— if they're internally motivated. But externally motivation doesn't necessarily get them to do something. It has to make sense to them. They're going to ask themselves questions, “Does that make sense?” “Is the research there?” “Is there going to be some kind of penalty if I don't do that? “Those are the things that go through questioners’ minds. So they're internally motivated, not externally motivated.


The next group is called obligers. So obligers might have internal goals, but it doesn't get them to follow through. They need to have some external motivation, some external accountability. So, if there someone's counting on them to do it.

They might get frustrated because they never quite seem to do what they want to do for themselves, but they can always do what other people want or need from them.


The last group is called rebels. So, you can guess what a rebel is like. They don't care if there's an external motivation or an internal motivation. They need to be free. They're only going to do it if they want to do it. You can't tell them what to do.

Size of the Groups

Now it's interesting because these groups are not all even. Obligers and questioners are by far the two biggest groups. Upholders are a small slice of the pie. Same thing with rebels.

Now what's important to know is which group you are. Because if you understand which group you are, then you can work with that tendency of yours to get things done, to follow through, and to find ways to work with yourself, so you can to figure it out. 

The Assignment

There is a quiz online. I'm going to put the link here.

But, there's also one question you can ask yourself to find out what you are. If you don’t want to be bothered with the quiz, and it’s “How do I feel about New Year's resolutions?”

So it's not, “do I do them?” It's “how do I feel about them?”

So an upholder will say, “Yes, I love them. I do them. They're great. “ They're all about New Year's resolutions.

An obliger will say, “I like the idea of them, but I just can't get myself to follow through. I've given up on them.”

A questioner will say, “Well, I like the idea of making goals and following through, but January 1st is such an arbitrary date. I just do them whenever I feel like I need a new goal.”

And then the rebels, they'll say, “Why would I chain myself to a resolution? I just want to do whatever I want to do. “

So figure out which kind of tendency you have. I also think it's helpful to figure out what your spouse is as well. I had no idea my husband was an upholder until he took the test. It's really helped me to understand and forgive him for some of his personality strengths now that I know he's an upholder.

And by the way, I'm an obliger, so that's why I give myself deadlines—I’ll be done by this date . Because as an obliger, I absolutely need external accountability.

Cheat Sheet

Now below there's going to be a cheat sheet that's going to talk a little bit about each personality type and what you need to do to trick your Assistant habit part of your brain to follow through. And, each tendency is going to have a different trick that will help.

So see if this can help you understand what you need from a health and weight loss group or what you need in general for you to get yourself to do what you want to do.

Mission Freedom!

Click to Download Here:

Four Tendency Cheat Sheet